Cnstrn'd Writing

• Cujo
• The Shining
• Heck, all horror movies
• The Goonies
• Panic Room
• Pirates of the Caribbean
• The Labyrinth
• Lord of the Rings
• Home Alone
• Titanic

(Crossposted)

This is a list of items I hope to do every day. If I fail at any particular item, it’s okay, because there are many items on this list and I just want to do most of them:

• Run 5k
• Write microfiction for 20 minutes
• Write one sentence
• Write e-mails for 10 minutes
• Read RSS feeds for no more than 20 minutes
• See people for social reasons for 10 minutes
• Not drink alcohol (Sunday thru Thursday)
• Call someone
• Work on a personal project (podcast/video) for 10 minutes
• Read/write for my dissertation for 20 minutes

* How much time things will take
* How much time I have available
* How funny I am
* How much something will affect me emotionally
* How tall I am
* How pregnant ladies are
* How much hugging is appropriate
* How people will take the silly thoughts that come out of my mouth
* How clear my thoughts are
* How near places are
* How much or how little of a social life I want
* How happy I am

I would say that more than 50% of the population is better than me at…

• Dancing
• Flexibility
• Women and Relationships
• Sports and sports trivia
• Staying uninjured
• Music
• Non-Internet, non-1990s pop culture
• Fashion
• Car repair and car types
• Major purchases
• Avoiding paradoxes while time traveling or manipulating reality¹

1. I need to work on this one [↩]

Whenever I imagine a sequel that should not be made, I always imagine the title will be “[movie title]: [greater amount of movie title]” or “[movie title] 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Try it with any of the movies on this list:

• Fair Game: the Valerie Plame story
• Titanic
• Philadelphia
• The Sixth Sense
• The Passion of the Christ
• Love Story*
• Ghost
• Armageddon
• All the President’s Men
• Amadeus
• Apollo 13
• Dr. Strangelove
• Groundhog Day
• Donnie Brasco
• Hamlet(*)
• Les Miserables
• Schindler’s List
• 12 Angry Men
• A Walk to Remember
• Where the Red Fern Grows
• 2012
• The Last Airbender
• Shrek*

*Asterisk indicates movies for which sequel has been made… and it was totally inappropriate.

• 2 oz. Irish Whiskey
• 3 drops of Holy Water (or blessed regular water)
• 1 Cherry

Pour whiskey into shot glass. Open up with drops of holy water. Add a cherry. Weep for your sins.

• Whiskey, a revolver, a blank page with the title “Reasons not to commit suicide” and nothing else
• A dartboard in which a picture of you is the target
• Nude self-mural
• Monitors to the secret cameras in your house
• A portal to another dimension
• Enya fan letters
• Nazi paraphernalia
• Many bodies of your friend’s clones
• Human body parts in the refrigerator
• Children locked in the cellar (not their own)
• A fifteen-foot-tall tarantula
• Vivisected squirrels
• Molten lava
• A perfect replica of your 7-year-old bedroom complete with the stuffed bodies of your childhood pets
• A prototype copy of an S&M version of a Wii game
• Empty, but for a blood-stained mattress with chains at each end and a camera on a tripod pointing at it¹

1. You have my friend Daniel to thank for this image. [↩]

• cut self on daisy
• thimble on too tight
• jabbed eye with monocle
• underwear chafe
• reached too hard for the mayonnaise jar
• slipped in the tub
• hernia while on toilet
• tripped on a tulip
• knelt on a barbie doll
• poked head with bobby pin
• bouncy castle collapse
• drowned in the ball pit
• too much darn lace
• improperly tied shoelaces
• cried too hard

• skinny dipping with hammerhead sharks
• fighting a grizzly bear
• marathon lovemaking
• climbing mount everest
• Mixed Martial Arts
• Volunteer for someone shooting an apple off my head
• weight lifting
• war
• crime fighting
• prison shanking
• seppuku sword too dull
• motorcycle accident
• fighting a forest fire
• lion taming accident
• twelve-hour erection
• saving small children from a collapsing building
• jumping in front of a bullet to save a loved one
• poisoned by the Iron Chef
• hiccup while sword swallowing
• botched self-immolation
• firework in the face
• too much flexing

Story Idea

About one million years from now, a race of robots exists on a planet. The story begins shortly after a virus has deleted much of the memory of the planet. A committee is formed to analyze the catastrophe, determine what empirical work needs to be done and create robots to fix it. One robot is created specifically to rescue what knowledge has been lost.

Unable to find any traces of the knowledge that seems to be lost as all data is corrupted, the robot attempts to perform physical and chemical experiments, and archeological and philosophical analysis to determine the origins of their robot society. His experiments are inconclusive, as the possibility of a sentient chemical life form creating them to test out new planets never occurs to him. He then personally concludes that the only rational conclusion is that all existence is an illusion or a dream of some sort.

Also there are ninjas.