Cnstrn'd Writing

(Crossposted)

This is a list of items I hope to do every day. If I fail at any particular item, it’s okay, because there are many items on this list and I just want to do most of them:

• Run 5k
• Write microfiction for 20 minutes
• Write one sentence
• Write e-mails for 10 minutes
• Read RSS feeds for no more than 20 minutes
• See people for social reasons for 10 minutes
• Not drink alcohol (Sunday thru Thursday)
• Call someone
• Work on a personal project (podcast/video) for 10 minutes
• Read/write for my dissertation for 20 minutes

* How much time things will take
* How much time I have available
* How funny I am
* How much something will affect me emotionally
* How tall I am
* How pregnant ladies are
* How much hugging is appropriate
* How people will take the silly thoughts that come out of my mouth
* How clear my thoughts are
* How near places are
* How much or how little of a social life I want
* How happy I am

I would say that more than 50% of the population is better than me at…

• Dancing
• Flexibility
• Women and Relationships
• Sports and sports trivia
• Staying uninjured
• Music
• Non-Internet, non-1990s pop culture
• Fashion
• Car repair and car types
• Major purchases
• Avoiding paradoxes while time traveling or manipulating reality¹

1. I need to work on this one [↩]

Whenever I imagine a sequel that should not be made, I always imagine the title will be “[movie title]: [greater amount of movie title]” or “[movie title] 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Try it with any of the movies on this list:

• Fair Game: the Valerie Plame story
• Titanic
• Philadelphia
• The Sixth Sense
• The Passion of the Christ
• Love Story*
• Ghost
• Armageddon
• All the President’s Men
• Amadeus
• Apollo 13
• Dr. Strangelove
• Groundhog Day
• Donnie Brasco
• Hamlet(*)
• Les Miserables
• Schindler’s List
• 12 Angry Men
• A Walk to Remember
• Where the Red Fern Grows
• 2012
• The Last Airbender
• Shrek*

*Asterisk indicates movies for which sequel has been made… and it was totally inappropriate.

• Whiskey, a revolver, a blank page with the title “Reasons not to commit suicide” and nothing else
• A dartboard in which a picture of you is the target
• Nude self-mural
• Monitors to the secret cameras in your house
• A portal to another dimension
• Enya fan letters
• Nazi paraphernalia
• Many bodies of your friend’s clones
• Human body parts in the refrigerator
• Children locked in the cellar (not their own)
• A fifteen-foot-tall tarantula
• Vivisected squirrels
• Molten lava
• A perfect replica of your 7-year-old bedroom complete with the stuffed bodies of your childhood pets
• A prototype copy of an S&M version of a Wii game
• Empty, but for a blood-stained mattress with chains at each end and a camera on a tripod pointing at it¹

1. You have my friend Daniel to thank for this image. [↩]

• cut self on daisy
• thimble on too tight
• jabbed eye with monocle
• underwear chafe
• reached too hard for the mayonnaise jar
• slipped in the tub
• hernia while on toilet
• tripped on a tulip
• knelt on a barbie doll
• poked head with bobby pin
• bouncy castle collapse
• drowned in the ball pit
• too much darn lace
• improperly tied shoelaces
• cried too hard

• skinny dipping with hammerhead sharks
• fighting a grizzly bear
• marathon lovemaking
• climbing mount everest
• Mixed Martial Arts
• Volunteer for someone shooting an apple off my head
• weight lifting
• war
• crime fighting
• prison shanking
• seppuku sword too dull
• motorcycle accident
• fighting a forest fire
• lion taming accident
• twelve-hour erection
• saving small children from a collapsing building
• jumping in front of a bullet to save a loved one
• poisoned by the Iron Chef
• hiccup while sword swallowing
• botched self-immolation
• firework in the face
• too much flexing

Age: 25.  Money in Bank Account: $861.25.  Amount in debt:  >$7,000.  Amount others owe me: >$1000. Yearly Income: $23,000-26,000.  Rent: $700. Amount accumulating interest: $240.  Books in personal library: 125.  Books stolen from library counted in my library books:  58.  Alcohol in my house: >$400. Height in centimeters: 178.  Weight in kilograms: 82. BMI:  25.5.  Hair color according to an inaccurate picture:  #34555f.  States visited: 36.   Car’s Mileage:  135,000.  Cars owned: 2.  Years in school: 17.  Years to go: >3.  New Years Resolutions broken so far this year: 2.  Countries visited: 10.  Web sites: 3.  Twitter profiles: 2.

Stories in the works: 3. No. of Woot! Shirts: 8. Liters of blood donated: 3. Liters of blood left to donate to feel good about myself: 4. Times arrested: 1. Times released: 1. Friends I can count on in a time of need: ≥7.