Quote Archive

I never met an honest man

Posted 31 July, 2010 By Pxl

“A crook can get in. A lock is for an honest man.”
-Tim Harder, the guy installing my security system.

A quote that’s better than true

Posted 23 May, 2010 By Pxl

“Chimp intelligence is based on mistrust;
human intelligence is based on trust.”

– D.S. Wilson
May 22, 2010

“As my sidekick she has to be there for me, but I never have to be there for her. Robin is always there to save Batman, but who cares about Robin? I mean, if she gets caught or killed, I just get a new sidekick.”
–Daniel Davenport on his sidekick “Front”

“Every story in a man’s life is like a dot in an impressionist painting.”

Ted Mosby, voiced by Bob Saget, written by Carter Bays in the show How I met your Mother

I think I just misquoted myself

Posted 29 November, 2008 By Pxl

“I really want her to not hate me, but I also really want her to shut up.  You can understand the bind I’m in.”

— Me to my friend Frank

He is such an upstanding citizen

Posted 25 November, 2008 By Pxl

“We don’t want any drunk people here.  So if you’re at this party and you’re drunk, I want you to get in your car right now and drive home.”

— Frank Jagear

You don’t even want to know…

Posted 17 November, 2008 By Pxl

“You can’t have my sperm!  I need it!”

— Me, two days ago, to a lesbian in Alaska.

Oppressing others is very hard work

Posted 16 November, 2008 By Pxl

“you’re so good at making fun of poor people.  it’s impressive.”

— Bre K. November 12, 2008

Phone calls at two a.m…

Posted 15 November, 2008 By Pxl

“I just found out that Doritos are made from tortillas! … I just wanted to tell somebody.”

— Frank Jagear Nov. 11, 2008

So, why are you studying philosophy?

Posted 8 November, 2008 By Pxl

“Peer pressure.”