Cnstrn'd Writing

“A crook can get in. A lock is for an honest man.”
-Tim Harder, the guy installing my security system.

“Chimp intelligence is based on mistrust;
human intelligence is based on trust.”

– D.S. Wilson
May 22, 2010

“As my sidekick she has to be there for me, but I never have to be there for her. Robin is always there to save Batman, but who cares about Robin? I mean, if she gets caught or killed, I just get a new sidekick.”
–Daniel Davenport on his sidekick “Front”

“Every story in a man’s life is like a dot in an impressionist painting.”

-Ted Mosby, voiced by Bob Saget, written by Carter Bays in the show How I met your Mother

“I really want her to not hate me, but I also really want her to shut up.  You can understand the bind I’m in.”

— Me to my friend Frank

“We don’t want any drunk people here.  So if you’re at this party and you’re drunk, I want you to get in your car right now and drive home.”

— Frank Jagear

“You can’t have my sperm!  I need it!”

— Me, two days ago, to a lesbian in Alaska.

“you’re so good at making fun of poor people.  it’s impressive.”

— Bre K. November 12, 2008

“I just found out that Doritos are made from tortillas! … I just wanted to tell somebody.”

— Frank Jagear Nov. 11, 2008

“Peer pressure.”