Cnstrn'd Writing

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“You can’t prove a negative!”

“Oh, yeah?  Prove it!”

“… I can’t!”

When dealing with girls with daddy issues, it is bad form to ask Who is Theirs.

Number of stars gazed, with the naked eye: 1,118, with the mind’s eye: 10^¹⁰.  Number of books read, by Card: 23, Pratchett: 20, Palahniuk: 11, Gaiman: 8, Rowling: 7, Bryson: 5, Salinger: 1.  Number of books written: 0.  Number of Theatre Ink sweatshirts: 8, t-shirts:, 3.  Number of years of Hebrew School attended: 7.  Number of times kicked out: 1.  Number of Bar Mitzvahs, attended: 15, had: 0.  Number of birds watched, bald eagles: 18, red-tailed hawks: 148, sharp-shinned hawks: 32, peregrine falcons: 10, broad-winged hawks: 1,354.  Number of weeks spent in Australia: 6, Caribbean: 2, Continental United States: 891.396.  Number of days lost to the International Date Line: 2.  Number of ambitions, realized: 8, squashed: 4,257.  Pounds of chocolate, eaten: 10, fully appreciated: 6.  Number of cell phones owned: 5.  Number of cell phones it was truly practical to own at that point in my life: 2.  Number of lilacs appreciated, up close: 84, from afar: 3,760.  Kilometers of tissues used: 3.  Number of emails, in inbox: 854, sent: 2,876, archived: 8,333.  Number of coincidences that were too coincidental: 911.  Number of socks lost: 153.  Number of times perplexed as to where my socks went: 153.  Number of haircuts: 68.  Number of hairs cut: 6,500,500.  Number of pizzas ordered: 40, denied because I was not of age: 1.  Number of college essays written about this experience: 1.  Number of Star Trek references in that essay, subtle: 2, explicit: 1, shameless: 3.  Number of times Star Trek 2009 watched: 8, appreciated: 8, quoted: 693.  Number of close encounters, with death: 13, with love: 1, with raw terror: 6, of the Third Kind: 9.  Number of plays, seen: 46, enjoyed: 38, directed: 3.  Number of times Kant read: 2, reread: 4, understood: 0, quoted: 24.  Number of laughs, forced: 4,582, genuine: 10^¹⁰.

I’m really sorry I missed Tomorrow.

I ordered pizza. I was carded.

Ange drove the courtesy bus around campus. Pixel had a crush on her and sometimes rode around with her. They would talk about her life, his home town, and he would teach her Spanish. Ange had emotional problems. Pixel realized this. And she would tell Pixel all about her issues. Often.

One day, Ange said, “why don’t you come spend the night at my house?” Pixel eagerly said yes. He didn’t know what it meant, as they were just friends. Furthermore, she’d once hinted how she didn’t like the fact that all of her male friends hit on her.

At her house, she prepared a mattress for him downstairs. Pixel made a mental note that this meant he should not try anything. They kept talking until she felt sleepy and got ready for bed.

Pixel thought this was it, but she asked him to come upstairs with her. Somehow, they ended up in her bedroom as she got into bed, turned on her stereo, and began singing. Pixel felt she was coming onto him, but – not wanting to push his luck– he tried to leave. She held him back and rolled over in bed, holding his hand. He lost his balance and fell into bed behind her, accidentally spooning. They interlocked fingers and Pixel said to himself, Ohh.

She turned back, looked at him, gazed into his eyes, and Pixel lowered his head to kiss her…

…
…

“Why did you do that?” She pulled away quickly.

Pixel died of shame.

“As my sidekick she has to be there for me, but I never have to be there for her. Robin is always there to save Batman, but who cares about Robin? I mean, if she gets caught or killed, I just get a new sidekick.”
–Daniel Davenport on his sidekick “Front”