Cnstrn'd Writing

I don’t even know the question.

“Two words: Breast. Implants.”

-Barney Stinson

• When she wakes up from a coma.
• When one of you moves back to the same place after having been separated by an earlier move.
• When it was your fault and you understand that now.
• For tax fraud/other schemes.
• In order to vanquish a mutual mortal enemy.
• While drunk and lonely (CAVEAT: Only applies if you’re not a suicidal alcoholic)
• Because it would make grandma happy and she’s on her deathbed as a result of something you feel guilty about
• If you’ve both had a sex change and want to try it in a different way.
• If you’ve forgotten her through some sort of amnesia or messed up Sunshine of the Spotless Mind sort of scenario.
• If you discover that the terrible things she did were actually done while being possessed by an evil demon.
• Because— really— you couldn’t have done any better anyway
• Because your horrible treachery will soon be uncovered
• I guess if you’ve both really changed so very much such that the same problems won’t ever come up again.  Maybe.

“Every story in a man’s life is like a dot in an impressionist painting.”

-Ted Mosby, voiced by Bob Saget, written by Carter Bays in the show How I met your Mother

I want to introduce you to a concept. Imagine for a moment the ‘infinite worlds’ idea is true, that being for every possible choice there is another universe where the other choice is played out. Now consider that choices are rarely a dichotomy, and choices are as simple as “I put my beer down on this part of the table” still count. Now we have a near infinite number of universes purely based on where I decide to put my beer. Then multiply that by the number of major different events that could happen, and you end up with officially a bajillion number of different universes.

Now consider what was mentioned before, where there’s a universe for every possibility. If I put a gun to my head and pull the trigger, there’s a possibility it won’t fire, which means in not just one universe, but a near infinite number of universes, this has happened. If after this gun-no-fire incident I walk into traffic, there is a near infinite number of universes where this does not kill me, similar to if I try to run in front of a moving train, etc etc.

In fact, put all this together, there are a near infinite number of universes where I am constantly trying to commit suicide and failing. How about that, my alternative self can’t even kill himself right, wuss.

So to establish if this is such a universe, I have here a medieval crossbow. Let’s see if it fir

Pixel traveled through time.  Specifically, he traveled to 1954.  Curious as to what this meant, Pixel decided to try to kill his grandfather.  His grandfather was a 23 year old man then: married, but not yet a father.

Pixel went to a gun store and purchased a high-powered rifle.  He purchased a crate of bullets and went to a shack in the woods for two months.  During that time, he practiced his aim.  He worked at his marksmanship daily.  Eventually his sharpshooting improved to an astounding degree.  He got to the point where he never missed his target, no matter how little time he had to prepare.

He packed up and moved to the town where his grandfather lived.  He got a job as a janitor in the school his grandfather taught.  Every day, he followed his grandfather from home to work, kept an eye on him there, then followed him back home.  After six weeks, Pixel was confident of his grandfather’s schedule.

One cloudless Wednesday in early August, Pixel trailed his grandfather like usual. But this day, Pixel left at 3 p.m. and went to the roof of a neighboring building.  He held his rifle in position and waited until his grandfather exited.  Pixel took aim, made sure there was nobody nearby to interfere with the shot.  His gun was loaded and he had just tested it that morning.  His finger was on the trigger and there was nothing to stop his firing, so he aimed——

As a ‘hello’ and a introduction to what nerdiness you can expect from me, here is a horribly bad short story I wrote in a fictional world where superheroes and villains exist. I wrote it a while ago, but never really did anything with it. If you spot spelling errors, half of them are because I’m Australian, the other half are because we spell differently. If I’ve done this right, the story should start when you hit ‘read full post’ or whatever it displays.

Enjoy.

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(more…)

But so many more appear earlier…

After all: I’m not doing NaBloPoMo.