Cnstrn'd Writing

Was excited to get on Google.

Rules for Guys:

“Never look below the neck on another male unless it is to mock him for a ridiculous getup.”

Subclause: avert gaze altogether from men that are changing or showering in a locker room. Avoid men that walk around in the nude.

Though I’m starting to have doubts.

When Pixel heard that there was going to be another student coming to Duke, he held a secret wish that it be a female. Preferably a cute one.

When he found out it was a cute female, he highfived the air so hard, he thew out his elbow.

“Still,” Pixel foreshadowed, “I better not do anything with her, because it might turn out for the worse.”

One night, Pixel and his fellow first-year, Iris, ended up dancing to very sensual music. As Chumbawumba played in the background, Pixel and Iris began kissing passionately.

The next day, Pixel went over to Iris’ house to explain that it was all a mistake caused by alcohol and they should probably forget it. Iris, meanwhile, hoped that Pixel would claim it was a mistake caused by alcohol so that she could forget it.

Naturally, they ended up making out yet again.

“We can’t blame the alcohol anymore,” Iris said soberly.

Pixel, for his part, was happy to have someone to kiss when he was bored. But Iris saw it differently. Sometimes, when Pixel forgot about her for several days, she would take offense.

“You have to talk to me about your life now,” she said. “You know, we’re in a relationship now.”

Pixel didn’t know.

Pixel had ended up in a relationship without his consent. He told Iris this, but she refused. He was unaware that break ups had to be two-party consent. Axe murder, it turns out, doesn’t.

Better practice saying “I’m late” first.

Obviously, a skunk in my yard.

but it shows up every day.

You know you’ve missed the best part of the story if all you hear is this ending:

… At which point I knew I would never remove the stains from my pants, they just looked too good.

… And that is how I was both knighted and exiled in the same day.

… so there I was, beer in one hand, penis in the other, having to confront the reality that neither belonged to me.

… so that’s how I learned to be very careful who you say “I’m going to order chinese” too, and how I got put on the immigration blacklist.

… at which point my socks collapsed, bringing down the entire stack of cheese.

1. Other types of poetry
2. Set words (6, but maybe more)
3. Set themes (rotating by author)
4. Writing stories (hopefully good ones) where the authors switch every sentence.
5. Set words or rules that must be worked into a story.

And that’s when I lost my keys.  It was really awkward, I mean, how would I get the dead hooker out of my car?